We all know our choices define us. We've heard this saying, this piece of ancient wisdom a million times before - but what does it really mean? is it just as simplistic as we choose to eat fatty, greasy food, develop clogged arteries and then consequently suffer heart disease? Is it just the repeated choice of poor nutrition, no/low exercise that ultimately makes us a one of a growing statistic of Americans with obesity and illness? That's one example. But there's another more subtle illustration that slowly but surely not only lays down the foundation for an entire life, but then perpetuates other choices, builds layers upon that foundation, and solidifies us - encapsulates us in our choices, and reveals us by our choices.
We all think we are "choosing" our lifestyle. But are we aware of the lifestyle we are choosing? It's not just a lifestyle in terms of healthy eating i'm talking about, but the larger, broader picture - our homes, our cars, jewelry, clothes, the health clubs we belong to, our luxuries, our necessities, our vacation destinations -we choose these, we pick amongst our various options in each of these categories numerous times, we even actively pursue our desired goal or choice, but do we realize how our choices are creating our identity, and more importantly, how we are buying into an identity with our choices?
For instance, when we buy a half million dollar home, because we want a "nice" home. Granted, we're usually at a certain income level before we make that decision or "responsibly" make that decision. But do we realize what the home will continue to say about us, how it will change us, or how we will change with the house long after that instant when we sign on the mortgage clause? The half million dollar house is just the start - and unless it's paid in full, in cash, it's the start of a long road. Now begins the series of seemingly unending, small but complex choices that root us more and more deeply in our house, and the house more deeply is us.
The half a million dollar house usually is part of a certain community - what kind of cars do people drive there? How does our furniture compare? If we're going to entertain, and usually when you own a house like that, you entertain a lot (if only because it's too expensive for a little while to eat out all the time!), how does the inside of your living space compare to your neighbors? Do they have silk curtains? updated hardwood floors? How thick is the granite in the kitchen? Is every room furnished with minute attention to detail? What kinds of schools do the kids go to? How many people have a weekend car? Do we like to go vacation in all inclusive resorts by the beach, or are we canoeing, trekking, hiking and staying in cheaper bed and breakfasts? Are the women buying costume jewelry?
Each choice leads to another choice because it's not just about justifying the previous choice after a while, it's also "keeping up with the Joneses", or a question of who we think we are, or want to be, or should be. Now this is NOT a bad thing, in the context of traditional "good" or "bad" morals. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this lifestyle. In fact, given stable financial means, or the opportunity to create/sustain the needed financial means, I might choose this lifestyle myself. But sooner or later, I am MY house, and my house is ME. It makes a statement about me initially, and as the game of life plays out, I make statements about "me", my values, priorities, what gives me comfort, a sense of security, peace of mind through my house and all the other "possessions" (material or not) that came with it. Once again, if we have peace of mind with a nice community, we sleep easier at night sending our kids to private schools, and we feel better about ourselves in an expensive vehicle, then who's to judge us or what's the harm in that? There is no harm and certainly, as per the American dream, if we've earned it we deserve to enjoy it. But i just wonder, how consciously do we make these choices? How much are we aware that we are not just creating a lifestyle, but the lifestyle is creating us? We like it, we enjoy it, we wouldn't have it any other way - but is that true?
On the flip side, there are those amongst us that make different choices. Their house is never quite that big, maybe because their bucket list is bigger. They have expensive diamonds, but their cars are modest, average, just middle of the road. They like an all inclusive vacation resort, but they thrive in the bed and breakfasts, where they are driving across the country, learning about a land on foot. Their kids go to good schools, but the number of their extra curricular activities competes with their parents hobbies and interests. These couples, these individuals appreciate a comfortable, cushioned lifestyle, but they prefer being defined by their interests, and not their possessions. Are they more evolved than those who choose a material sense of security? No. That's the beauty of the world - it takes all kinds of people to make it work, to make the experience of life flow and to make it a rich journey. Apart from the simplistic and obvious, that some of us choose our hobbies and some of us choose our paycheck, the question is really about the awareness that underlies those decisions. Because only if there is true awareness of the kind of life we are creating, there is true ownership in the kid of life we are living. The joy of driving that weekend car is richer, deeper, more authentic when it resonates with our true sense of self. Similarly, it's "trendy" to have interests, it's "in" to be multi-dimensional, it's "richer" if you live through so many different life experiences, but it truly only counts when it brings out the best in you that you want to be, that you choose to be, that you care to be. When you feel authentic, then the experience feels authentic.
It's so simplistic but it really does all begin with a choice.
We all think we are "choosing" our lifestyle. But are we aware of the lifestyle we are choosing? It's not just a lifestyle in terms of healthy eating i'm talking about, but the larger, broader picture - our homes, our cars, jewelry, clothes, the health clubs we belong to, our luxuries, our necessities, our vacation destinations -we choose these, we pick amongst our various options in each of these categories numerous times, we even actively pursue our desired goal or choice, but do we realize how our choices are creating our identity, and more importantly, how we are buying into an identity with our choices?
For instance, when we buy a half million dollar home, because we want a "nice" home. Granted, we're usually at a certain income level before we make that decision or "responsibly" make that decision. But do we realize what the home will continue to say about us, how it will change us, or how we will change with the house long after that instant when we sign on the mortgage clause? The half million dollar house is just the start - and unless it's paid in full, in cash, it's the start of a long road. Now begins the series of seemingly unending, small but complex choices that root us more and more deeply in our house, and the house more deeply is us.
The half a million dollar house usually is part of a certain community - what kind of cars do people drive there? How does our furniture compare? If we're going to entertain, and usually when you own a house like that, you entertain a lot (if only because it's too expensive for a little while to eat out all the time!), how does the inside of your living space compare to your neighbors? Do they have silk curtains? updated hardwood floors? How thick is the granite in the kitchen? Is every room furnished with minute attention to detail? What kinds of schools do the kids go to? How many people have a weekend car? Do we like to go vacation in all inclusive resorts by the beach, or are we canoeing, trekking, hiking and staying in cheaper bed and breakfasts? Are the women buying costume jewelry?
Each choice leads to another choice because it's not just about justifying the previous choice after a while, it's also "keeping up with the Joneses", or a question of who we think we are, or want to be, or should be. Now this is NOT a bad thing, in the context of traditional "good" or "bad" morals. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this lifestyle. In fact, given stable financial means, or the opportunity to create/sustain the needed financial means, I might choose this lifestyle myself. But sooner or later, I am MY house, and my house is ME. It makes a statement about me initially, and as the game of life plays out, I make statements about "me", my values, priorities, what gives me comfort, a sense of security, peace of mind through my house and all the other "possessions" (material or not) that came with it. Once again, if we have peace of mind with a nice community, we sleep easier at night sending our kids to private schools, and we feel better about ourselves in an expensive vehicle, then who's to judge us or what's the harm in that? There is no harm and certainly, as per the American dream, if we've earned it we deserve to enjoy it. But i just wonder, how consciously do we make these choices? How much are we aware that we are not just creating a lifestyle, but the lifestyle is creating us? We like it, we enjoy it, we wouldn't have it any other way - but is that true?
On the flip side, there are those amongst us that make different choices. Their house is never quite that big, maybe because their bucket list is bigger. They have expensive diamonds, but their cars are modest, average, just middle of the road. They like an all inclusive vacation resort, but they thrive in the bed and breakfasts, where they are driving across the country, learning about a land on foot. Their kids go to good schools, but the number of their extra curricular activities competes with their parents hobbies and interests. These couples, these individuals appreciate a comfortable, cushioned lifestyle, but they prefer being defined by their interests, and not their possessions. Are they more evolved than those who choose a material sense of security? No. That's the beauty of the world - it takes all kinds of people to make it work, to make the experience of life flow and to make it a rich journey. Apart from the simplistic and obvious, that some of us choose our hobbies and some of us choose our paycheck, the question is really about the awareness that underlies those decisions. Because only if there is true awareness of the kind of life we are creating, there is true ownership in the kid of life we are living. The joy of driving that weekend car is richer, deeper, more authentic when it resonates with our true sense of self. Similarly, it's "trendy" to have interests, it's "in" to be multi-dimensional, it's "richer" if you live through so many different life experiences, but it truly only counts when it brings out the best in you that you want to be, that you choose to be, that you care to be. When you feel authentic, then the experience feels authentic.
It's so simplistic but it really does all begin with a choice.
